This is a subject I have been giving a lot of thought on lately. When does a parent's financial obligation to their child/children end? At 18, any legal financial obligation ends, but isn't there a moral obligation that still exists? For some parents, no. For my husband and I, yes! A parent's obligation to their child does not end when they turn 18, when they graduate college, or even when they get married and have children of their own. A parent's obligation to their child does not end until the day they die! Being a parent is a lifelong role.
I am someone who spent her whole adult life, almost never asking anyone for anything. I was raised to value a dollar, and have always been very self-reliant. However, there have been a few (very rare) times, when I have asked someone for something, or help when I truly needed it. And I was let down almost every. single. time.
These were people I truly thought would come through for me, but didn't. Which made me even less likely to ask for help, or ask anything from anyone ever again. It also made me far less willing to do anything for others. This is what happens to people who have to "go it alone", they become justifiably jaded. I don't want that for my children.
Whether it was for help in my career, in my personal life, or financially... people failed to come through for me (my husband is the one and only exception, he is amazing!). For example, I have parents who are very financially secure. I have rarely come to them for help (maybe 3 times my whole adult life). Every time, they acted like it was some huge sacrifice to help me out. As a result, there were many times I didn't ask them for help, even when I really needed it, despite the fact they were in a position to easily help. It is one thing for friends or co-workers to fail you, or make you feel like you are burdening them, but it is another when that behavior comes from a parent.
My husband and I will never make our children feel that way. We both go without, and live frugally, so that on the rare occasion one of our children asks for something, we make sure they get it! We are happy to give them things they want or need, and to provide for them. Once my children are all school aged, I will go back to working full time, saving every penny I can, for them. Even once they are grown and have families of their own. Especially, when they have children of their own.
Don't misunderstand, I am not planning on "bankrolling" my children on every front, their entire lives. I will make sure they value hard work, and are self-reliant. But a lot of good, hard-working people, struggle at times. Life is hard, and so few people actually go the extra mile for others. So, I am talking about making sure that if our children need or want something, they never hesitate or feel humiliated to come to us for help. My husband and I want to be a safe haven for our children, versus just two more people who disappoint them. Having "things" doesn't matter to me, but my children are everything! There is nothing I could ever buy or spend money on, that would matter more to me, then helping my children not struggle so much as adults. They will get my last $20, if they need it (and I have it to give), without any hesitation or guilt trips.
I would give them my own beating heart, if they needed it. 💓