There's no denying it, alcohol is a major part of our society. The term "mom wine" is more rampant than ever, and I definitely was part of that culture. A couple of drinks at the end of the day, can be a great way relieve the many stressors of every day life. There is nothing wrong with drinking in moderation, and I am not judging or shaming anyone who can manage alcohol in a "healthy" way.
My story of when I started drinking alcohol, all the way until I quit:
I want to be clear, I am not now, nor was I ever, an alcoholic. That is a different level of addiction, and I would never insult anyone struggling with alcoholism, by comparing my issues with alcohol, to theirs. I am simply sharing my feelings, details, and experiences with alcohol, and the reasons why I quit drinking it.
Alcohol has negatively shaped my family and my life, in a way that it hasn't most peoples. In 2017, I lost my only sibling to alcoholism. My older brother, whom I spent my whole life adoring, drank himself into a slow death. A death that I had to watch play out, right in front of me. I literally watched him die, and it broke me in a way that can never be repaired. I recently lost my beloved uncle (in major part) to alcohol damage. That is two direct family members, who were severely affected by alcohol addiction.
At the beginning of this year, I took a long, hard, honest truth about myself. The truth was, I also loved drinking alcohol! I mean, so do a lot of people right? Our society celebrates drinking, both at social gatherings, and even privately at home, so I thought I was pretty normal. I started drinking in high school, and throughout college, but so did everyone else around me, so again, it was pretty normal. I want to stress the fact that I never drank a single drop of alcohol during any of my three pregnancies, and that is never something I even considered doing. I did drink before and after each pregnancy. However, it wasn't "out of control" drinking, it was mostly social drinking.
After the birth of my last child, I found myself, drinking every.single.night, for four years straight, before realizing I was too dependent on it, and likely damaging my health. I justified it, because I have a whole lot of stressors, and very little support, while I am in the thick of being married and raising three children. There aren't many other outlets for stress relief, that are as effective as a few drinks, and so that's what I turned to.
My issue with alcohol is this: When I do drink, I can't just drink a little!
I can't seem to just have one or two adult beverages, I want to keep on drinking! Keep the good feelings going! It was much worse when I went out drinking socially, which thankfully was a rare event. My mentality seemed to be that "one drink is great, two is better", and so on. I would start drinking at 5:00 every evening, and continue drinking until I went to bed. I never drank so much that I was actually drunk, and was never hungover the next day, so I didn't see it as a problem.
But the truth is, that isn't healthy behavior. I felt I deserved some reprieve from my stress, but that wasn't the way to do it (still not sure what is!). Then, there is my husband, who has some weird brain chemistry when mixed with alcohol, and isn't someone who should ever drink. Whereas my personality and decision making doesn't change that much when combined with alcohol, his brain just can't handle it. Alcohol can definitely drastically alter some people's cognitive function, and he is one of those people. Basically, he is a totally "unfun" person to drink with! We both decided to totally stop drinking. We are both currently six months, alcohol free! I am not saying I will never drink again, but until I know I can drink in moderation "like a normal person", I am choosing to stay away from it completely.
My husband and I might not be as fun at parties, but at least we are making healthier choices. Actually, scratch that! I can still be a blast, and a weirdo, and have a good time, without having alcohol in my system! A lot of people may not understand this, or relate to it, and that's ok. Going alcohol free may not be right for everyone, or for you, and that's totally ok. Alcohol in moderation is ok! But if you think you're having difficulty with self-control and alcohol, it might be time to take a break from it, and see how you feel.
It's not easy to break a habit, and I am proud of myself for realizing it was an issue, and for taking steps to correct it. I just wanted to share my story as "sober motivation", for anyone who might need it. You are not alone, and you can do it!