"Marriage is hard." That is what everyone always seems to say. But what does that really mean? What people mean when they say "marriage is hard", is that living with another person is difficult and stressful. The longer you live with that person, the more difficult and stressful it becomes. All the things you once found cute and endearing, seem to fade into the background, and then everything that person says and does starts to feel, well, really annoying!
Even if you know you are being petty, you can’t stop yourself from being annoyed, can you? For 14 years, I had been making a mental list—a list of my disappointments, what annoyed me, and what I wished were different. I recently read a piece about "changing your mindset about your annoying husband". The author* stated, "Choosing love, even when you don't feel in love, is the key to making marriage work. You don’t really know how to love, until you don’t feel in love, but you choose love anyway. You chose that person, anyway!" She challenged me to make a different list—a list of things I love.
"Butterflies in the tummy, always go away, but we must choose love, anyway!" <<<I love that!
She challenged wives to list 10 things they love about their husband. Here is my list:
10 Things I Love:
He's tall!
He's handsome!
He is loyal.
He is selfless. (he goes without, but always tries to give us what we want/need)
He can be really sweet!
He is a good gift giver.
He provides for us.
He is good at saving money.
He tries to be better/quit bad habits.
He loves and values us, above all else!
KEEP THIS LIST!
Overall, those are some major pros! You might be surprised at what you still love about your "annoying" spouse. We must also realize that yes, we too, are also annoying (gasp!). Falling in and out of love with your spouse, often several times, is normal for every long-term married couple. So what do you do, when all you can think about is how much your spouse annoys you? Make a list of what you love about that person. Focus on those things, instead of the things that annoy you. Choose love anyway, even when you don't feel "in love"! You will still feel annoyed sometimes, that is inevitable, but it doesn't have to always be at the forefront. You might be surprised at what a change of mindset can do, both for you, and your marriage!
*Linda Dillow, the co-founder of Authentic Intimacy, and author of "What’s It Like to be Married to Me? And Other Dangerous Questions."